watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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