I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it's like iHOP with fire
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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