I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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