Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
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