so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
