If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
