Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We are two peas in an std pod
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
