The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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