I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Drake has all the answers
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
