I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
