Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
