ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
