I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
