If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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