Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
