you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
