Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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