11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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