You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
