btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
