one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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