Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just high enough for therapy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
