I looked at my own cervix.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
