remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
