the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
