I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Princesses don't give blow jobs
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
