She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All I want is dick and wine.
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