I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
