the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
