don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
