His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
