I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
