did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize