maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
