Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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