Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
