I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
