I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
