My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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