He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
