party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
