On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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