I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize