and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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