My room smells like vodka and shame
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
