I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
