Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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