guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Girls should come with a carfax report
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
