Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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