for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
