She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
