I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
