i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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