hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
