Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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