Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
