Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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