her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
