I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
