I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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