I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just puked most of my soul out..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
