it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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