my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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