bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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