therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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