She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
